You know one when you see one, a metro system virgin.
They are the people who stand at the metro pass stations with that blank look on their face, like they are trying to read a foreign language. They are the people who clutch their purses as if every other passenger were a highly trained pickpocket. They stare at the metro map as if they are looking at ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics. With every jerk and jolt you can see the glimmer of fear and uncertainty flash in their eyes. They miss their stops because they can’t understand the muted, mumbled gibberish that is coming from the conductor. Worst of all they commit the unpardonable sin of standing in the middle of the escalator, ergo stalling all of the grey suits who can not bear to lose those precious few seconds.
Even the metro attendants can spot them. Deborah Davis who has been working at the metro only a few months said, “They are the ones who don’t know which way to go even though it’s written right there on the signs. “ Her coworker chimed in, “ They da’ ones who mix up the red light and da’ green light when they trying to get in or out of da metro, red means ya can’t go!”
Alas, take heart you newbie’s there is hope. You too can conceal your un-familiarity; mask your fears and anxiety by absorbing a few simple tips for flawless metro travel.
- Start with the metro pass station. Quit trying to get more bang for your buck, and attempting to calculate to the nickel how much money you need to put on your pass. I know these are tough economic times, but trying to coordinate your stops and the different rates for peak hours is something even very few pros can do. Rule of thumb unless you are planning to ride the metro all day five dollars should suffice. So slap five dollars on there and gamble with your fate. If you are one of those who likes to air on the side of caution get yourself a day pass, but know that is a red flag sure sign of your inexperience.
Now you’ve got yo
ur pass, on to the map. There are five lines, all of which are named after colors. Don’t panic. I know there is some colorblind tourist out there thinking he’s doomed to a vacation filled with taxi fares. You can actually read all the names of the lines; you don’t have to simply rely on colors. Each line is labeled with the color. The direction the metro is going is indicated by the name of the stop that is the last stop on the line. Read the sign and get on the train that is labeled with the last stop on the line that will pass your destination. When it arrives board it. Double check the line color as it pulls in. Do this subtly or your inexperience will be blatant.
- Common courtesy, let the people get off before you barge on. Trust me there will be enough time. Pick your seat or find a bar/rail to hold on to. Metros are crowded, it is NOT weird to sit by a random stranger, just accept that your personal bubble will be invaded and move on. Also, that random stranger crowding your space is NOT trying to pickpocket you. What do you think this is, New York?
- If you are expecting a Walter Cronkite sounding voice to announce the specific stops over the loudspeaker thus daydreaming instead of counting stops, prepare to ride the metro all day. At best you will get a conductor who pronounces perhaps similar vowel sounds to those in your stop. Bottom line, pay attention and count your stops. This isn’t your safety patrol eighth grade school trip to the capitol. There is no parent/teacher chaperone; you are on your own.
- When the metro stops, you get to get off first. Exit. Find the nearest “up” escalator. At which point if you plan on standing and riding the escalator up get on the right side of the escalator. It’s just like a highway people. Slow traffic is on the right and passing on the left. Not such an outrageous concept after all.
- Lastly, the infamous exit gates. You know that little piece of paper you just spit your gum into? That was probably your metro pass, and yes, you need that. Peel that gum out and find the exit gate with a green arrow. Slide your pass through. Cross your fingers that you put enough money on there and then watch in amazement as the gates open. Pat yourself on the back. You survived the metro and better yet, if you followed this advice no one even had the inkling that you had no clue what you were doing. Congratulations.
When you are ready to look like a real expert and want to really blend in, you whip out your Ipod headphones. Whoa now. Don’t do anything crazy like actually listen to your music. That is going to cause you to lose your focus, thus breaking your concentration and making all your meticulous planning for naught. Merely wearing the headphones pretending to be listening to music will be enough to give off the tell tale signs of your expertise. Another idea is the fast pass. The fast pass is the metro equivalent of a black American express card. It shows you use the metro often and you’re big time in the metro world. You can purchase one of these cards at CVS and it’s like a debit card. Just put money on it and never again will you have to deal with the ever-confusing metro pass machines.
After reading this navigating the metro should be a piece of cake. As for you locals, you metro masters, bear with them. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and deep down in that blackened big city heart of yours you know that you were not born a metro master either.
Photos By: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mr_t_in_dc/ / CC BY-ND 2.0
http://www.flickr.com/photos/bootbearwdc/ / CC BY 2.0
